Running

There are good days and bad days. Not sleeping at night is definitely not helping. And we are making progress, it is just so slow. We moved our bedtime from 6am on the second night (first night doesn’t count since we were so exhausted from the trip that we did sleep a lot) to 5am on the third night to 3am on the fourth night. We do sleep in until 8am which makes for 5 hours, but I guess those morning wee hours are just not as good for sleep as the ones before midnight.

Anyways, today was a difficult day. Overwhelming. Everything becomes essential. Our Seventh Generation diapers are finished, so we had to start using the ones we found at Carrefour. I don’t like them. At least they don’t have perfume, but they still smell very industrial which I don’t like on my baby’s butt.  

We spent a day with my husband’s family. I did have a good time and I was glad to see my daughter play with her cousins. I have to remind myself that that was one of the main reasons why we came back. Still. It feels like taking one big step back in time. Like we had never left. I feel like I am losing all my identity, like I forgot it somewhere and didn’t take it with me on this trip. I’m turning into that woman that I was before moving to the US.

And I feel like turning around and running away, back to my life in the US.

But then there are good moments. Yesterday we went to the beach. I had to see it with my own eyes, how L enjoys being there. She took off her shoes and leggings and started running. Running up and down on the shore, in the water. With the dog and her dad. Splashing freezing March ocean water around her ankles. And running and running and running. She must have missed Hawaii more than we realized. She is a beach girl. And when I see her running like that in the sun, I know we have arrived where we were supposed to be. Our kids are happy and so are we.